Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes...

You know the song, right? We sing along to it at library storytimes, preschool, sometimes even in the car—it’s a universal toddler-anthem. Hmmm, hm, hmm hm, hm, hmm, hmmm,.. It’s so catchy–plus, it’s educational! We’re teaching body parts through song.

But I teach a class for parents on how to talk to your kids about sex, and a consequence of being a teacher is that you must do a lot of learning and observing, too. So I frequently find myself noticing how funny our society is about sex. This song is my latest victim, as it occurred to me that it’s kind of like teaching our children that certain parts of our bodies are unmentionable. I picture a fictional songwriter, making a list of body parts to include in her song. She starts out with a comprehensive list, but later reconsiders when she imagines her 3 year old loudly singing the song in the grocery store.

But research and experience both tell us that kids need to be able to name all the parts of their bodies—if for no other reason than it helps to keep them safer from sexual abuse. But perhaps the more universal reason to teach our children the correct terms for body parts is that we want them to know that their bodies (and, later—their sexuality) aren’t something mysterious, scary, ‘that-which-must-not-be-named’ (apologies to Ms. Rowling.) If we want our children to grow up with our family values about bodies, sex, and sexuality—we’re going to have to talk with them about those values. And trust me, it will be a lot easier to talk about the big stuff (intercourse, abstinence, contraception, etc) if we first start with the small stuff. Small stuff: for example—the names of the body parts between their shoulders and their knees.

So if you haven’t already done so, start using the words penis and vulva with your young child. Whether it’s bath time or diaper/potty time or a conversation about appropriate touch—use the correct words and say them in the same tone that you’d use to identify their knees. You’ll be taking a giant leap towards raising a healthy child who knows how to take care of themselves. You’ll also be moving towards creating the kind of relationship with your child where it’s possible to talk about your family’s values about sex. You’ll be glad you did.